STABBED THROUGH THE HEART

[nikkernoodle]

[It's late Thursday night, and the school is far darker than normal. The Band Room is now lit by candle light; far dimmer than electricity, but something that Salieri is fairly used to.

He's there now, seated at the piano, a candle resting in a dish on the edge of the lid as he works, plunking out chords and tinkering with melody and harmony, making notes on the paper, going back, trying again.]

Comments

[disharmonizes]

Are you telling me that you are not the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen? And it's not the right vibe?

I'm shocked.

[violentenvies]

I am none of those things, as I would hope you are well aware. [pointedly, but also like...maybe a little flirty. More than a little flirty. Who's to say????]

[disharmonizes]

I would make an argument for sweet, maybe, in your own way. But if you insist.

[This is almost nice, really. It's just the usual jabs and flirting...

...until they actually get to the cafeteria, of course.]

[violentenvies]

One could say the same for you, though I'm certain you would protest.

[ah, though...Salieri slows to a stop once he catches sight of that stage. There's a frisson of fear that goes through him, brief--can he really do this?

But then he thinks of the people they've lost--and the people he has yet to lose. His jaw sets, his determination returns, and he's singing one line, just under his breath--]

I'm ready as I'll ever be.

[and he steps deliberately towards that stage]

[disharmonizes]

[Discord follows, before walking ahead a little. putting out that cloth, because this... this will get... messy. Before moving to take... the candle, first, because he doesn't want to take anything else yet.]

Let me just... mhm...

[He stumbles a little as he goes to set it down, not quite as in control as he usually is. But, it's set down, lighting the stage enough for... well, for this.

And next...]

I, ah... I was trying to see if I could get anything for the pain, but I'll be honest, I really can't tell all these bottles apart. [The medicine he brought along.] I mean, one of these should make this easier-- Well, easy as this can be, which I'm sure isn't... very, for either of us--

[He's. rambling.]

[violentenvies]

[Salieri watches, quietly, as Discord lays out that cloth, stumbles a little, fusses, rambles, stalls. And then he walks over and sets the dagger down on the table, reaching out to still Discord's hands]

Leave them. It's fine.

I'll hardly feel a thing.

[disharmonizes]

Are you sure? I'd imagine stabbing would...

[...But then, what does he know about this? Nothing at all. It's why he needed Salieri's help to begin with.

He lets out a breath.

Alright. Alright, as you say.

[violentenvies]

[he'll pick that dagger back up, then, glancing at it. And then huffs out a bit of a chuckle, shaking his head slightly, as if pushing away a thought]

Come on, then. [and he's going to walk over to that stage, stepping up onto it]

[disharmonizes]

[He's following, of course, but... Well, he isn't exactly going to get another chance to ask this.]

...What was that look for?

[violentenvies]

[Salieri huffs a little, starting to shrug out of his jacket first, which gets tossed aside, and then setting down the dagger to start to undo his waistcoat]

...I was only thinking...it's a little bit funny, almost, where I'm going to tell you to stab me.

[disharmonizes]

[THINGS YOU LOVE TO HEAR YOUR BF SAY AM I RIGHT]

What... about it?

[violentenvies]

The quickest way to kill a human is to stab them in the heart. [somehow, he says this with complete calm]

[disharmonizes]

I... vaguely knew that much, but... locating it is another matter--

[Usually he might pick up what Salieri is putting down, but he's a little uh

on edge

right now.]

[violentenvies]

[Salieri shrugs out of his waistcoat, tossing it on top of his jacket, before turning to look at Discord]

It's here. [he places his hand over his heart, indicating]

You might as well know where it is, in any case. It's yours, after all.

[disharmonizes]

Oh.

[And just like that, suddenly it feels like he's the one getting stabbed. He freezes, just, staring at Salieri numbly a moment, filled with an utterly chaotic blend of emotions.]

...Oh.

[violentenvies]

[Salieri takes a step forward, then, removing his hand from where it was indicating, and holding it out to Discord. He doesn't need to hear an answer more than that, really. It's neither confirmation or denial, but would it really matter either way, now?]

Come on. We have a job to do.

1/2

[disharmonizes]

I... Yes, I know, I just...

[He moves to take Salieri's hand, but stops himself at the last moment. Frozen, for a bit, trying to get his own heart to calm down.]

I'm not good with matters of-- Well, I'm not good with a lot of things.

[He's just not... good.]

2/3 I lied

[disharmonizes]

[He's looking down at the floor, not meeting Salieri's eye, because how can he right now? It's exactly the moment when he should, but he can't.]

If I could begin to be
Half of what you think of me
I could do about anything
I could even learn how to... love...

3/3

[disharmonizes]

[He narrows his eyes, pulling back slightly, looking over to the dagger. Swallowing as he's eyeing it, forcing himself steady.]

I always thought I might be bad
Now I'm sure that it's true
'cause I think you’re so good
And I’m nothing like you

[violentenvies]

[Salieri listens, just...staring. That is not what he expected in the least, and there's something in his chest that thuds, painfully, with a mix of hope and despair.

He steps forward, reaching up to frame Discord's face, to force him to look at him, picking up the song--]

So that you know
I just adore you
I wish that you knew
What makes me think you're so special.

[disharmonizes]

[He looks up, no getting out of it. No looking away, now, and no forcing feelings down anymore. It's... awful and vulnerable and he'd hate it--

does hate this, obviously, all of this, the whole reason they're here

--but it's... it's Antonio and it doesn't make him feel bad at all, despite everything.]

If I could begin to do
Something that does right by you
I would do about anything
I would even learn how to love...

You...

[He lets out a breath, carefully. Long and slow.]

1/2

[violentenvies]

[there's a tremble in his hands, now, and Salieri feels as though he can hear his heart pounding in his ears as it tries to escape his chest.

Living in Court, Salieri had long ago learned to guard any emotion using careful control. After all, anything he said, or did, or felt could be used against him; turned into his undoing. Love, especially, was an emotion often only wielded by those young and naive or wise to the ways in which it could become a knife with which to stab another person in the back. Salieri had guarded his heart especially during that time; done his best to repress it to a point that, when his heart stirred with emotion so strong that he was no longer able to suppress said emotions, they began to tear him apart, to push him to madness.

And then he was brought here, initially wiped clean of his conflicting emotions, surrounded by those who were kind, and steady, and sure--people that gave their love and support freely; people who had been lonely, guarded, like him and were learning to trust as much as he was; people who called him friend, confidant, father. To not only be given their trust and love so freely, but also to be allowed to display his own through words, gestures, actions without fear of rancor or suspicion has been a gift all its own, and a freeing one.

Then, there's Discord. Discord, whom he despised (loathing, unadulterated loathing,) then found a strange kinship with through their shared love of barbed and pointed insults (Ding-dong! The SQUIP is dead-,) allowing him the space to express the most terrible of his emotions and thoughts without wondering what the others would think of him. And now this: affection grown through understanding, through seeing the purpose to his actions, the softness beneath the barbs. The affection Discord holds for so many here, especially the children--it was something of the final nail in Salieri's metaphorical coffin. He's in love. He has been, for a while, unacknowledged until Maya dragged it out of him; mostly unspoken and unaddressed until Farrah and Spongebob prodded him into action. Now, to hear this from Discord himself that he's loved in return, in the same way...it's wonderful and terrible and makes him feel both elated and devastated all at once.

It's simply not fair. This shouldn't have to be a choice he has to make: to be trapped in this catch-22, where they die if he does and they die if he doesn't. Where the only option left is this small, wild chance that maybe, together, he and Discord can save their family. So they must take it. There are no other viable options. Salieri thinks of them one after another--his children, his friends, his family; thinks to himself, as if he could somehow reach them this way:

"Mes amis, ma famille...thank you. And I'm sorry."
He hopes they'll hear it, somehow. That his love, his regret, his resolve will reach them; that maybe they'll forgive him for this.]

2/2

[violentenvies]

[Salieri pushes up on his toes, leaning into Discord, moving his hand to the other man's shoulder for balance as he shifts to rest his cheek against Discord's]

Je t'aime.

[it's murmured, quietly, for Discord alone to hear--]

Ti amo.

[--it's for him, for them, and that thrice-damned Wizard can't have it--]

Ich liebe dich.

[--in every language he knows.]

I love you.

[disharmonizes]

[Discord instinctively holds onto Salieri, almost clinging, afraid to let go right now. And then--

Then those words. Four different languages, but meaning and feeling in them so clear even if he wasn't able to understand them. And he can feel his breath halting for a second, then two, three... and he swallows, trying to compose himself. He can't go falling apart now--

(but if not now, then when?)

--this is difficult enough for the both of them without him feeling like he's being taken apart by the wave of emotion going through him, somehow both warm and icy at the same time, comforting and terrifying. Loving.

Oh.]

Four different ways. Overachiever.

[Muttered, quiet, joking, but he's still holding on a bit too tight.]

...I love you.

[It bears saying again and again right now. He's clinging to the words as much as he is to Salieri.]

[violentenvies]

[Salieri's arms shift as Discord holds him tightly, one going around his shoulders while his other hand slides into the hair at the nape of Discord's neck, combing through gently, cradling him close, chest tight with emotion, with the feeling of being held like this. Loved. Safe.]

You deserve to hear it in every way that I am able express, mon amour.

[somewhere, distantly, thunder rumbles. Ominous. Salieri squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, pressing closer, trying to remain here, now for just a moment longer. He's clinging now, too, as if that could keep them here, on the precipice, in this space where it's just them, together, before they tumble into that abyss]